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Thread: All about Grits

  1. #1
    aka Johnny Hammerlane bullet's Avatar
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    All about Grits

    Everything you ever wanted to know about grits:

    What Are Grits?
    Nobody knows. Some folks believe grits are grown on bushes and are harvested by midgets by shaking the bushes after spreading sheets around them. Many people feel that grits are made from ground up bits of white corn.

    These are obviously lies spread by Communists and terrorists. Nothing as good as Grits can be made from corn. The most recent research suggests that the mysterious Manna that God rained down upon the Israelites during their time in the Sinai Desert was most likely Grits. Critics disagree, stating that there is no record of biscuits, butter, salt, and red eye gravy raining down from the sky, and that God would not punish his people by forcing them to eat Grits without these key ingredients.

    How Grits Are Formed:
    Grits are formed deep underground under intense heat and pressure. It takes over 1000 years to form a single Grit. Most of the worldÔÇÖs grit mines are in the South, and are guarded day and night by armed guards and pit bull dogs. Harvesting the Grit is a dangerous occupation, and many Grit miners lose their lives each year so that Grits can continue to be served morning after morning for breakfast (not that having Grits for lunch and dinner is out of the question).
    Yankees have attempted to create synthetic Grits. They call it Cream of Wheat. As far as we can tell, the key ingredients of Cream of Wheat are ElmerÔÇÖs Glue and shredded Styrofoam. These synthetic grits have also been shown to cause nausea, and may leave you unable to have children.

    Historical Grits:
    As we mentioned earlier, the first known mention of Grits was by the Ancient Israelites in the Sinai Desert . After that, Grits were not heard from for another 1000 years. Experts feel that Grits were used during this time only during secret religious ceremonies, and were kept from the public due to their rarity.

    The next mention of Grits was found amidst the ruins of the ancient city of Pompeii in a womanÔÇÖs personal diary. The womanÔÇÖs name was Herculaneum Jemimaneus (Aunt Jemima to her friends.)

    The 10 Commandments of Grits
    I. Thou shalt not put syrup on thy Grits
    II. Thou shalt not eat thy Grits with a spoon or knife
    III. Thou shalt not eat Cream of Wheat and call it Grits, for this is blasphemy ..
    IV. Thou shalt not covet thy neighborÔÇÖs Grits.
    V. Thou shalt use only salt, butter, and red-eye gravy as toppings for thy Grits.
    VI Thou shalt not eat Instant Grits.
    VII. Thou shalt not put ketchup on thy Grits.
    VIII. Thou shalt not put margarine on thy Grits.
    IX. Thou shalt not eat toast with thy Grits, only biscuits made from scratch.
    X. Thou shalt eat grits on the Sabbath for this is manna from heaven.

    How to Cook Grits:
    For one serving of Grits:
    Boil 1.5 cups of water with salt and a little butter. [Use milk and they are creamier!)
    Add 5 Tbsp of Grits.
    Reduce to a simmer and allow the Grits to soak up all the water.
    When a pencil stuck into the grits stands alone, it is done. ThatÔÇÖs all there is to cooking grits.

    How to make red eye gravy
    Fry salt cured country ham in cast iron pan. Remove the ham when done and add coffee to the gravy and simmer for several minutes. Great on grits and biscuits.

    How to Eat Grits:
    Immediately after removing your grits from the stove top, add a generous portion of butter or red eye gravy (WARNING: Do NOT use low-fat butter.) The butter should cause the Grits to turn a wondrous shade of yellow. (Hold a banana or a yellow rain slicker next to your Grits; if the colors match, you have the correct amount of butter.)

    In lieu of butter, pour a generous helping of red eye gravy on your grits. Be sure to pour enough to have some left for sopping up with your biscuits. Never, ever substitute canned or store bought biscuits for the real thing because they cause rotten teeth and impotence.

    Next, add salt. (NOTICE: The correct ration of Grit to Salt is 10: 1 Therefore for every 10 grits, you should have 1 grain of salt.)

    Now begin eating your grits. Always use a fork, never a spoon, to eat Grits. Your grits should be thick enough so they do not run through the tines of the fork.

    The correct beverages to serve with Grits is black coffee and Bloody MaryÔÇÖs. (DO NOT use cream or, heaven forbid, Skim Milk). Your grits should never be eaten in a bowl because Yankees will think itÔÇÖs cream of wheat.

    Ways to Eat Leftover Grits:
    (Leftover grits are extremely rare)
    Spread them in the bottom of a casserole dish,
    Cover and place them in the refrigerator overnight.
    The Grits will congeal into a gelatinous mass.
    Next morning, slice the Grits into squares and fry them in 1/2″ of cooking oil and butter until they turn a golden brown.
    Many people are tempted to pour syrup onto Grits served this way. This is, of course, unacceptable.


    BLESSING BEFORE EATING GRITS
    May the Lord bless these grits,
    May no Yankee ever get the recipe,
    May I eat grits every day while living,
    And may I die while eating grits.

    All that being said, the only grits I've ever been able to find in the supermarkets are "quick grits".
    If anyone can tell me a good brand name of genuine, bona fide grits and where to find them I'd be appreciative.
    It's a tough job but somebody's gotta do it.

  2. #2
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    Go to the Border Station on the way from Chesapeake, VA to NC (this would be if you were on your way to the Outer Banks). The store sets 1/2 way in NC and 1/2 in VA. There, you will find real yellow grits (unbleached like the white kind). The recipe is quite different and will take 1/2 hour to prepare. Closer, and now available in most upscale supermarkets with an organic section, you will find Red Mill organic grits (yes, yellow) with the subtitled name of Italian Polenta. These are about the same (not quite) as the yellow grits at the Border Station, and will also take 1/2 to prepare.

  3. #3
    Out There Somewhere bmwrider88's Avatar
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    mmmm. grits.
    Be The Change You Want To See In The World

  4. #4
    One big Oaff brewmeister's Avatar
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    WOW ,and here I thought we were talking about sand paper.
    81 R100RT

  5. #5
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    Now I'm hungry again!

  6. #6
    2011 R1200RT ka5ysy's Avatar
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    Cheese Grits!


    Bullet: You live above the Grit Line. How did you find out about grits
    Doug, 2011 R1200RT Polar Metallic
    MSF #127350 NAUI #36288

  7. #7
    Rally Rat
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    RE: All about Grits

    Jalapeno cheese grits.
    Sent from my Nokia Lumia 920 using Board Express

  8. #8
    Registered User argent brick's Avatar
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    Now I want to try grits and I am not from the south!
    Lynn
    MOA #57883
    Current Ride: 1995 K75 Standard
    Past: 1978 Yamaha XS 750, 1976 BMW R60/6

  9. #9
    OldBMWMaster JDOCKERY132445's Avatar
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    Blue Ridge Parkway

    If you find yourself on the Blue Ridge Parkway, near Meadows of Dan, stop in at Mabry Mills and pick some up.

    http://www.mabrymillrestaurant.com/
    Jerry Dockery
    309 N. 3rd. Ave.
    Kure Beach, NC 28449
    1996 R1100RT main bike & 1985 K100RS...too fast to believe.

  10. #10
    aka Johnny Hammerlane bullet's Avatar
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    Bullet: You live above the Grit Line. How did you find out about grits?

    Living above the "grit line" (love the term BTW), I and my friends have been travelling in the States for many, many years.
    For the longest time we would have grits at the wonderfully greasy Waffle House.
    I thought: I could make this at home and enjoy the memory of such a delicious meal for half the cost.
    Ever since, I've been coming home from road trips with one or two containers of grits.
    The look on the border guard's face is priceless when I tell him that I'm declaring "grits" as part of my duty-free allotment.
    It's a tough job but somebody's gotta do it.

  11. #11
    Novice Adventurer Newstar's Avatar
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    Mmmm....I see a heaping bowl of shrimp and grits in my near future.

  12. #12
    #4869 DennisDarrow's Avatar
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    Yes, there is the ground up corn type of sustanance that kept many in the poorer regions alive during the real "depression"; but for me, GRITS is truly......Girls Raised In the South......NONE better.......God bless.......Dennis

  13. #13
    Registered User TomDac's Avatar
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    yuck. nothankyou.

    Just say NO to grits.
    Tom - MOA #156706, Hayward, CA
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  14. #14
    Douglas Williams
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    My favorite discourse on grits is from the movie "My Cousin, Vinny". I love grits but rarely find them properly prepared outside of the South. Don't forget the dinner delicacy, shrimp and grits!
    Sent from a Galaxy, far, far away

  15. #15
    2011 R1200RT ka5ysy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by TomDac View Post
    yuck. nothankyou.

    Just say NO to grits.

    Move along... nothing for you to see here... I bet you will not even suck crawfish heads.
    Doug, 2011 R1200RT Polar Metallic
    MSF #127350 NAUI #36288

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