Create The Perfect Motorcycle Forum Thread Question

[akbeemer]

Bit of a contest here.

A few years back a song that was touted as the perfect country western song was making the rounds. It was perfect because it included every topic that gives country music its character. The song's lyrics began as follows:

WELL, I WAS DRUNK THE DAY MY MAMA GOT OUT OF PRISON
AND I WENT TO PICK HER UP IN THE RAIN
BUT BEFORE I COULD GET TO THE STATION IN MY PICKUP TRUCK
SHE GOT RUNNED OVER BY A DAMNED OLD TRAIN

Well can you write the perfect BMW motorcycle forum question? Possible topics to be included in the question are:

oil type
oil consumption
tire brand
final drive failure
torn or mangled ON magazine
spline lube

Add others as you deem fit and threads aimed at a particular sub-forum are okay, for example airheads.

[oldnslow]

My old Beemer is making a terrible noise from the final drive, and I have seen an oil leak in the same area. What oil is least likely, as it drips from the rear end, to cause a stain on my driveway, as I have just had it paved, which brings up the topic of which tire should I use considering that I drive 500 feet of gravel road to the post office to get my ON magazine, and then return to the paved driveway.

P.S. should I use the 'odd' numbered pages or the 'even' numbered pages of the magazine to put under the bike when I do my spline lube? Please reply in ALL CAPS, because I am currently revving my Harley in the garage and want to be able to hear your replies.

[lkchris]

This is very good so far. So good in fact it could (no, should) replace the "Word Association" thread.

[akbeemer]

Slipped in Harley bashing.... well done.

[Woodbutcher]

Where's the electrical connector for my gps? I need it hooked up on my GS Adventure for my trips to the local Starbucks. While I'm at it, should I go with knobbies? I want to make sure it's safe in case there is some loose dirt on the road. Would I get 30K miles from those tires? I don't want them to wear out too fast. And what oil gets put in at the dealership if I just drop if off for service? it won't be soon since the Starbucks is only a couple of miles away, but I need to know that my bike will get the absolute best. And why is my buddy's Harley so loud? Does that mean his exhaust is broken? I keep telling him something isn't right. Fortunately that plastic thing on the top of my dual sport helmet whistles so much I can't hear his bike too much when we get up to speed.

Oh, and I'd ride my bike to get my Mama when she gets out of prison but I can't get it over the rail road tracks and I'm afraid to get it wet.

How's that? I missed some of the key topics, but hit some of the popular GS related ones.

[oldnslow]

Slipped in Harley bashing.... well done.

All in good fun, all in good fun.

[not2brite]

Fill in the blanks: Hi everyone. I am a returning rider. I've been out of motorcycling for ___ years, due to my family ________. Now that I'm ________, I have more time for ________ and __________, and a motorcycle seems perfect for _______. But what kind? Do I buy a _______ with a ______, or should I start out with a _________? And what about the _____? Is it true that BMW's have __________? Do they really _________ like my Harley friends say? Do women __________ BMW riders? Do men? I've been lurking on this site for _______, and I get great deal of _________ from it. Thanks so much and have a _______ day!!!!