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Thread: I'm ready for more jokes.

  1. #151
    Motorcyclist patiodadio's Avatar
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    An old guy was working out in the gym when he spotted a sweet young thing.

    He asked the trainer that was nearby, "What machine in here should I use to impress that sweet young thing over there?"



    The trainer looked him up and down and said, "I'd try the ATM in the lobby"




    .
    Last edited by patiodadio; 05-26-2011 at 01:17 AM.
    ________________________________________
    The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

  2. #152
    Mars needs women! 35634's Avatar
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    I cut this from an ad on craigs list for an old Nissan. Can't decide if he's making a joke or serious

    "This car will make for a great back and forth work vehicle. asking $1000.00 dollars, or best offer. Bottom dollar is $650.00 dollars."
    1987 K75S
    Original litter
    Original owner
    2012 Ural Gear Up

  3. #153
    Has two wheels and flies yngswen's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by 35634 View Post
    asking $1000.00 dollars, or best offer. Bottom dollar is $650.00 dollars."
    Seen in a used car lot, marked on the windshield of an early '90's Mustang...

    "Won't Last!!!"

    In wine there is wisdom. In beer there is strength. In water there is bacteria. ~David Auerbach

  4. #154
    Registered User 88bmwjeff's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by yngswen View Post
    Seen in a used car lot, marked on the windshield of an early '90's Mustang...

    "Won't Last!!!"

    My favorite automotive quote is from an add from the 1980's. It said car runs but hasn't in two years.
    Jeff in W.C.
    1988 R100 RT (the other woman)
    "I got my motorcycle jacket but I'm walking all the time." Joe Strummer

  5. #155
    MOA #24991 Pauls1150's Avatar
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    Physics Bumper Sticker

    Physics bumper sticker:

    physics_bumper_sticker.jpg

  6. #156
    Mars needs women! 35634's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by 88bmwJeff View Post
    My favorite automotive quote is from an add from the 1980's. It said car runs but hasn't in two years.
    or "smokes, but it's old enough to"
    1987 K75S
    Original litter
    Original owner
    2012 Ural Gear Up

  7. #157
    Out There Somewhere bmwrider88's Avatar
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    how many Teamsters does it take to screw in a light bulb?

    25, you gotta problem wit' dat?

  8. #158
    Out There Somewhere bmwrider88's Avatar
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    how many surrealists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

    the fish.

  9. #159
    Out There Somewhere bmwrider88's Avatar
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    how many flies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

    just 2 but don't ask me how they got in there.

  10. #160
    Out There Somewhere bmwrider88's Avatar
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    how many Viet Nam Vets does it take to screw in a light bulb?

    THAT'S RIGHT YOU DON'T EFFING KNOW MAN CUZ YOU WEREN'T THERE!

  11. #161
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    A tough looking group of bikers were riding when they saw a girl about to jump off a bridge so they stopped.

    The leader, a big burly man, gets off his bike and says, "What are you doing?" "I'm going to commit a suicide," she says.

    While he did not want to appear insensitive, he didn't want to miss an opportunity he asked "Well, before you jump, why don't you give me a kiss?"

    So, she does and it was a long, deep lingering kiss.

    After she's finished, the biker says, "Wow! That was the best kiss I have ever had. That's a real talent you are wasting. You could be famous Why are you committing suicide?"



    "My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl.

  12. #162
    Out There Somewhere bmwrider88's Avatar
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    St Peter
    is checking people into Heaven. he's working with a guy, and asks,
    "have you ever done anything particularly heroic?"

    guy sez,
    well, yes. i was out in South Dakota, traveling in our RV, when i came across a young woman whose car had broken down. a big gang of Outlaw Bikers had stopped also and were giving her a big hassle, it seemed, as she appeared really upset. i stopped the RV, jumped out and ran right up to the biggest, baddest one of them- the one who appeared to be the leader. i kicked his Harley over, snatched his nose ring out and punched him in the stomach saying, "NOW! you guys leave this woman ALONE! or you're ALL gonna get the same treatment!"

    St Peter, obviously impressed responded, "WOW! and when did this happen?"

    looking at his watch, the guy said,
    "about 20 minutes ago"

  13. #163
    Titan Silver mfifer's Avatar
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    Little Girls say the darndest things

    LITTLE GIRL ON A PLANE

    An atheist was seated next to a little girl on an airplane and
    he turned to her and said, "Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker
    if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."

    The little girl, who had just started to read her book,
    replied to the total stranger, "What would you want to talk about?"

    " Oh, I don't know," said the atheist.. "How about why there is
    no God, or no Heaven or Hell, or no life after death?" as he smiled
    smugly.

    "OK," she said. "Those could be interesting topics but let me
    ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same
    stuff - grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns
    out a flat patty, but a horse produces clumps.. Why do you suppose that
    is?"

    The atheist, visibly surprised by the little girl's
    intelligence, thinks about it and says, "Hmmm, I have no idea."

    To which the little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified
    to discuss why there is no God, or no Heaven or Hell, or no life after
    death, when you don't know ****?"

    And then she went back to reading her book.



    Mike
    Mike & Robin Fifer http://www.n-scale-model-trains.com/ 2002 R1150RT Current
    1995 K75S Sold
    1996 R1100RT sold

  14. #164
    Velocity Joint gwood's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mfifer View Post
    LITTLE GIRL ON A PLANE

    A theist was seated next to a little girl on an airplane and
    he turned to her and said, "Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker
    if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."

    The little girl, who had just started to read her book,
    replied to the total stranger, "What would you want to talk about?"

    " Oh, I don't know," said the theist.. "How about why there is
    a god, or heaven or hell, or life after death?" as he smiled
    piously.

    "OK," she said. "Those could be interesting topics but let me
    ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same
    stuff - grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns
    out a flat patty, but a horse produces clumps.. Why do you suppose that
    is?"

    The theist, visibly surprised by the little girl's
    intelligence, thinks about it and says, "Hmmm, I have no idea."

    To which the little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified
    to discuss whether there is a god, or heaven or hell, or a life after
    death, when you don't know ****?"

    And then she went back to reading her book.



    Mike
    There, all fixed up for ya', except much funnier now..
    "You must be fast, 'cause I was hauling *** when I passed you!"

  15. #165
    Motorcyclist patiodadio's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by gwood View Post
    There, all fixed up for ya', except much funnier now..
    If you don't like the jokes , don't read them !




    .
    ________________________________________
    The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

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