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Thread: I'm ready for more jokes.

  1. #331
    Mars needs women! 35634's Avatar
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    Man frantically call the doctor;



    Doctor! My wife has gone into labor and her contractions are 2 minutes apart!



    The doctor asks "is this her first child?"




    Man: Hell no, I'm her husband!
    1987 K75S
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  2. #332
    MOA #24991 Pauls1150's Avatar
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    My wife was in labor with our first child.
    Things were going pretty well when suddenly she began to shout, ÔÇ£ShouldnÔÇÖt, couldnÔÇÖt, wouldnÔÇÖt, didnÔÇÖt, canÔÇÖt!ÔÇØ
    ÔÇ£Doctor, whatÔÇÖs wrong with my wife?ÔÇØ
    ÔÇ£Nothing. SheÔÇÖs just having contractions.ÔÇØ

  3. #333
    aka Johnny Hammerlane bullet's Avatar
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    Ron, an elderly man in Florida, had owned a large farm for several years.
    He had a large pond in the back.

    It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some orange and lime trees.

    One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over.

    He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee.

    As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond.

    He made the women aware of his presence, and they all went to the deep end.

    One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!"

    Ron frowned, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked."

    Holding up the bucket Ron said, "I'm here to feed the alligator."
    It's a tough job but somebody's gotta do it.

  4. #334
    Registered User ezec's Avatar
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    The only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon "quickie" with their 8-year-old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony with a Popsicle and tell him to report on all the neighborhood activities.

    "There's a car being towed from the parking lot," he shouted.
    He began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation:

    "An ambulance just drove by!"
    "Looks like the Andersons have company," he called out.
    "Matt's riding a new bike!"
    "Looks like the Sanders are moving!"
    "Jason is on his skate board!"
    After a few moments he announced, "The Coopers are having sex!!"

    Startled, his mother and dad shot up in bed. Dad cautiously called out,
    "How do you know they're having sex?"

    "Jimmy Cooper is standing on his balcony with a Popsicle."
    2010 R1200RT
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  5. #335
    Registered User WalterK75's Avatar
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    Lifetime warranty means until it doesn't work. Warranty fulfilled.
    Walter

    G. K. Chesterton wrote - "The traveller sees what he sees, the tourist sees what he came to see."

  6. #336
    Registered User f14rio's Avatar
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    if men's restrooms were designed by women

    "Enemy fighters at 2 o'clock!...Roger, What should i do until then?"

    2010 r1200r, 2009 harley crossbones, 2008 triumph/sidecar, 1970 norton commando 750

  7. #337
    Registered User WalterK75's Avatar
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    Walter

    G. K. Chesterton wrote - "The traveller sees what he sees, the tourist sees what he came to see."

  8. #338
    Mars needs women! 35634's Avatar
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    1987 K75S
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  9. #339
    Mars needs women! 35634's Avatar
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    1987 K75S
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  10. #340
    Registered User WalterK75's Avatar
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    Walter

    G. K. Chesterton wrote - "The traveller sees what he sees, the tourist sees what he came to see."

  11. #341
    aka Johnny Hammerlane bullet's Avatar
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    Apple is suing the family of Sir Isaac Newton.

    On the grounds he had no right using the apple to prove the theory of gravity.
    It's a tough job but somebody's gotta do it.

  12. #342
    aka Johnny Hammerlane bullet's Avatar
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    Cannabis is not a gateway drug that leads to harder drugs.

    It's more of a drive thru drug that leads to burgers and fried chicken.
    It's a tough job but somebody's gotta do it.

  13. #343
    aka Johnny Hammerlane bullet's Avatar
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    I've been trying to write a song about how much I love beer. The problem is...

    I can't get past the first bar.
    It's a tough job but somebody's gotta do it.

  14. #344
    aka Johnny Hammerlane bullet's Avatar
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    I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue are the colors of freedom

    until they are flashing behind you...
    It's a tough job but somebody's gotta do it.

  15. #345
    aka Johnny Hammerlane bullet's Avatar
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    I just had an MRI...

    to find out if I'm claustrophobic.
    It's a tough job but somebody's gotta do it.

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