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Thread: I'm ready for more jokes.

  1. #46
    Soleman bmwchromehead's Avatar
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    Tim and Janice

    Tim and Janice met on a singles cruise and Tim fell head over heels in love with her.

    When they discovered they lived in neighboring cities only a few miles apart Tim was ecstatic. He immediately started asking her out when they returned home.

    Within a couple of weeks, Tim had taken Janice to dances, restaurants, concerts, movies and museums. Tim became convinced that Janice was indeed his soul mate and true love. Every date seemed better than the last.

    On the one-month anniversary of their first dinner on the cruise ship, Tim took Janice to a fine restaurant. While having cocktails and waiting for their salad, Tim said, "I guess you can tell I'm very much in love with you. I'd like a little serious talk before our relationship continues to the next stage."

    "So, before I get a box out of my jacket and ask you a life-changing question, it's only fair to warn you, I'm a total golf nut. I play golf, I read about golf, I watch golf on TV. In short, I eat, sleep, and breathe golf. If that's going to be a problem for us, you'd better say so now!"

    Janice took a deep breath and responded, "Tim, that certainly won't be a problem. I love you as you are and I love golf too; but, since we're being totally honest with each other, you need to know that for the last five years I've been a hooker."

    "Oh wow! I see," Tim replied. He looked down at the table, was quiet for a moment. Deep in serious thought he added, "You know, it's probably because you're not keeping your wrists straight when you hit the ball."
    In the end, you will regret much more those things you didn't do, than those which you did.

  2. #47
    dhgeyer
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    Now that's funny!

  3. #48
    You stupid, fix it! r11rs94's Avatar
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    Practice at the Jets Stadium was delayed 2 hours today after a player found a white powdery substance on the ground. Police and Homeland Security investigated. Experts determined that the white ...substance, unfamiliar to most of the players ...was in fact the goal line!!!
    The thing about traveling is, you never want it to end and you can't wait to get home.
    I answer to Roy, Chief, or Sarg.
    04 R-1150-RT current bike. 94 R-1100-RS74,383, Sold, 78 R-80/7, K.I.A by a D.U.I
    www.OceanStateBMWriders.com

  4. #49
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    Mans Original Sin

    The picture says it all....
    Attached Images Attached Images
    Roy G.
    85 K100RT Ol Ruby "Gone but not forgotten"

    02 K1200LTC Hoss

  5. #50
    Registered User kgadley01's Avatar
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    AKA SNAPGADGET
    Lifes too short to ride an ugly Motorcycle

  6. #51
    MOA #24991 Pauls1150's Avatar
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    Texting Abbreviations for the Elderly

    Texting Abbreviations for the Elderly

    BTW: Bring The Wheelchair
    BYOT: Bring Your Own Teeth
    DWI: Driving While Incontinent
    FWB: Friend With Beta-blocker
    FWIW: Forgot Where I Was
    FYI: For Your Indigestion...
    GOML: Get Off My Lawn
    GTG: Gotta Groan
    IMHMO: In My HMO...
    IMHO: Is My Hearing-Aid On?
    JK: Just Kvetching
    LMDO: Laughing My Dentures Out
    LOL: Living On Lipitor
    LWO: Lawrence Welk's On
    MGAD: My Grandson's A Doctor
    MILF: Meal I'd Like To Forget
    OMG: Ouch, My Groin!
    alternate:
    OMG: Oy, My Grandchildren!
    ROFL... CGU: Rolling On The Floor Laughing... And Can't Get Up
    RULKM: Are You Leaving Kids Money?
    SUS: Speak Up, Sonny
    TGIF: Thank Goodness It's Four (Four O'clock - Early Bird Special)
    TTYL: Talk To You Louder?
    WIWYA: When I Was Your Age
    WTF: Wet The Furniture
    alternate:
    WTF: What's Today's Fish?

  7. #52
    You stupid, fix it! r11rs94's Avatar
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    Attached Images Attached Images
    The thing about traveling is, you never want it to end and you can't wait to get home.
    I answer to Roy, Chief, or Sarg.
    04 R-1150-RT current bike. 94 R-1100-RS74,383, Sold, 78 R-80/7, K.I.A by a D.U.I
    www.OceanStateBMWriders.com

  8. #53
    Motorcyclist patiodadio's Avatar
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    'Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully,' the divorce Court
    Judge said, 'And I've decided to give your wife $775 a week,'

    'That's very fair, your honor,' the husband said. 'And every now and
    then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself.'





    .
    ________________________________________
    The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

  9. #54
    Registered User Bob_M's Avatar
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    Did you hear about the dyslexic satanist?

    He sold his soul to Santa

  10. #55
    radan2
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bob_M View Post
    Did you hear about the dyslexic satanist?

    He sold his soul to Santa
    Then there was the insomniac dyslectic agnostic. He stayed up all night trying to figure out if there was a dog.

  11. #56
    copandengr
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    Differences

    What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover? Ans... The location of the dirtbag.

    What is the difference between a bad golfer and an inept skydiver? Ans..... The bad golfer goes "whack, dang"! The bad skydiver goes "dang, whack"!

    How do you make holy water?.... Ans...Boil the hell out of it!

    Where do you find a dog with no legs? Ans...... Right where you left him!

    What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup? Ans.... Anyone can roast beef.

    What kind of coffee was served on the Titanic? Ans.... Sanka.

    What do you call cheese that is not yours? Ans..... Nacho Cheese.

    What do fish say when they hit a concrete wall? Ans.... Dam!

    How do crazy people ride through the forest? Ans.... They take the psychopath!

    And lastly.... Suport bacteria. It is the only culture some people have!

  12. #57
    radan2
    Guest
    Quote Originally Posted by copandengr View Post
    What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover? Ans... The location of the dirtbag.

    What is the difference between a bad golfer and an inept skydiver? Ans..... The bad golfer goes "whack, dang"! The bad skydiver goes "dang, whack"!

    How do you make holy water?.... Ans...Boil the hell out of it!

    Where do you find a dog with no legs? Ans...... Right where you left him!

    What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup? Ans.... Anyone can roast beef.

    What kind of coffee was served on the Titanic? Ans.... Sanka.

    What do you call cheese that is not yours? Ans..... Nacho Cheese.

    What do fish say when they hit a concrete wall? Ans.... Dam!

    How do crazy people ride through the forest? Ans.... They take the psychopath!

    And lastly.... Suport bacteria. It is the only culture some people have!
    What kind of cheese do teachers prefer? Graded cheese (say it fast)

  13. #58
    Small road corner junkie pffog's Avatar
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    HER DIARY VS. HIS DIARY
    ____________________________
    HER DIARY:
    Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to
    meet at a bar to have a drink. I was shopping with my friends all day
    long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late,
    but he made no comment on it.

    Conversation wasn't flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere
    quiet so we could talk.. He agreed, but he didn't say much. I asked
    him what was wrong; he said, 'Nothing.' I asked him if it was my
    fault that he was upset.. He said he wasn't upset, that it had
    nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it.

    On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly,
    and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior I don't know why he
    didn't say, 'I love you, too.' When we got home, I felt as if I had
    lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore.
    He just sat there quietly, and watched TV. He continued to seem
    distant and absent.

    Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About
    15 minutes later, he came to bed. To my surprise, he responded to my
    caress, and we made love. But I still felt that he was distracted,
    and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep I cried. I
    don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with
    someone else. My life is a disaster.

    HIS DIARY:
    Bike wouldn't start today can't figure it out, but at least I got laid!

  14. #59
    MOA #24991 Pauls1150's Avatar
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    One of them breaks down and leaks a lot, the other is fun to ride.

  15. #60
    Mars needs women! 35634's Avatar
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    This was posted in the old discontinued jokes thread, it bears repeating:



    Went to a big bike rally....

    All the crotch rocket guys checked out the chicken strips on my tires

    The Gold Wing guys checked out my ride for extra lights

    The Beemer guys just looked at my odometer & shook their heads

    The Harley guy checked out....HEY, WHERE THE HELL"S MY WIFE!
    1987 K75S
    Original litter
    Original owner
    2012 Ural Gear Up

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