Page 14 of 36 FirstFirst ... 4 12 13 14 15 16 24 ... LastLast
Results 196 to 210 of 527

Thread: I'm ready for more jokes.

  1. #196
    Motorcyclist patiodadio's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Location
    KY
    Posts
    731

    Deer Hunting & Dental work

    The man said to the dentist, "Doc, I'm in one heck of a hurry. I have two buddies sitting out in my truck waiting for us to go deer hunting, so forget about the anesthetic, I don't have time for the gums to get numb. I just want you to pull the tooth, and be done with it! We have our feeders set to go off in thirty minutes. I don't have time to wait for the anesthetic to work!"

    The dentist thought to himself, "My goodness, this is surely a very brave man asking to have his tooth pulled without using anything to kill the pain."

    So the dentist asks him, "Which tooth is it sir?"

    The man turned to his wife and said, "Open your mouth, Honey, and show him."



    .
    ________________________________________
    The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

  2. #197
    Registered User Anyname's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    Location
    Portsmouth, NH
    Posts
    731
    Quote Originally Posted by 35634 View Post
    This seems appropriate for an old farts club http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JWP5W7lv1-I
    Sometimes, darkness is good.
    BMW R bike rider, horizontally opposed to everything...

  3. #198
    It is what it is. Bud's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Location
    Long gone
    Posts
    6,493
    Four guys have been going to the same moose camp for many years. Two days before the group is to leave, Bob's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going.

    Bob's friends are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do.

    Two days later the three get to the camping site only to find Bob sitting there with a tent set up, firewood gathered and dinner cooking on the fire.

    "Dang man, how long you been here, and how did you talk your wife into letting you go?"

    "Well, I've been here since yesterday. My wife felt bad for being so harsh about me going hunting, so... Yesterday evening, I was sitting in my chair at home and my wife came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and said. "guess who?" I pulled her hands off, and she was wearing a brand new nightie. She took my hand and pulled me to our bedroom. The room had candles and rose petals all over. On the bed she had handcuffs and ropes!

    She told me to tie and cuff her to the bed and I did. And then she said, "Do whatever you want."

    So, here I am.
    I used to post here, but now I don't.

  4. #199
    Grammarian no, Rider yes ISAMEMON's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Location
    Kings Valley Oregon
    Posts
    1,718
    Quote Originally Posted by SIBUD View Post
    Four guys have been going to the same moose camp for many years. Two days before the group is to leave, Bob's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going.

    Bob's friends are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do.

    Two days later the three get to the camping site only to find Bob sitting there with a tent set up, firewood gathered and dinner cooking on the fire.

    "Dang man, how long you been here, and how did you talk your wife into letting you go?"

    "Well, I've been here since yesterday. My wife felt bad for being so harsh about me going hunting, so... Yesterday evening, I was sitting in my chair at home and my wife came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and said. "guess who?" I pulled her hands off, and she was wearing a brand new nightie. She took my hand and pulled me to our bedroom. The room had candles and rose petals all over. On the bed she had handcuffs and ropes!

    She told me to tie and cuff her to the bed and I did. And then she said, "Do whatever you want."

    So, here I am.


  5. #200
    al from chgo burbs lilredroadster's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Location
    Bartlett,Il
    Posts
    2,724
    1. When I was born, I was given a choice - a big pecker or a good memory....
    I don't remember what I chose.

    2. Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.

    3. A wife is a sex object. Every time you ask for sex, she objects.

    4. Impotence: nature's way of saying, "No hard feelings..."

    5. There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men - 'don't' and
    'stop', unless they are used together.

    6. Panties: not the best thing on earth, but next to the best thing on earth.

    7. There are three stages in a man's life: Tri-Weekly, Try Weekly and Try
    Weakly.

    8. Virginity can be cured. (I know these things)

    9. Virginity is not dignity, it's lack of opportunity.

    10. Having sex is like playing bridge - if you don't have a good partner, you
    better have a good hand.

    11. I tried phone sex once, but the holes in the dial were too small.

    12. Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy.

    13. A couple just married were happy with the whole thing. He was happy with the Hole and she was happy with the Thing.

    14. Despite the old saying, 'Don't take your troubles to bed', many men still
    sleep with their wives!
    Al From Chgo Burbs
    BETTERMENT THROUGH BADGERMENT

  6. #201
    Registered User WalterK75's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    Location
    Mississauga, Ontario
    Posts
    550
    Remember that if you upset your wife, she nags you.
    If you upset her even more you get the silent treatment.

    Don't you think it's worth the extra effort?
    Walter

    G. K. Chesterton wrote - "The traveller sees what he sees, the tourist sees what he came to see."

  7. #202
    Old man in the mountains osbornk's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Location
    Marion VA-In the middle of some of the best riding in the country.
    Posts
    3,262
    My wife, a registered nurse, once fussed over every pain or mishap that came my way. Recently, however, I got an indication the honeymoon is over.

    I was fixing the attic fan, and as I climbed the ladder in the attic, I scratched my forehead on a crossbeam. Crawling along, I picked up splinters in both hands and I cut one hand replacing the fan belt. On the way down the ladder, I missed the last two rungs and turned my ankle.

    When I limped into the kitchen, my wife took one look at me and said, "Are those your good pants?"
    'You can say what you want about the South, but I almost never hear of anyone wanting to retire to the North.

  8. #203
    look out!!! Visian's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2003
    Location
    ATL/WNC
    Posts
    8,511

    Old Timers Sex

    The husband leans over and asks his wife, 'Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you.'

    'Yes', she says, 'I remember it well.'

    'OK,' he says, 'How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?'

    'Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!'

    A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks, I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble. So he follows them. The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks. Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence.. The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in. Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground. The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn't know.

    After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggles to their feet and puts their clothes back on. The policeman, is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly amazing, I've got to ask them what their secret is. So, as the couple passes, he says to them, 'Excuse me, but that was something else. You must have had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?'

    Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply, 'Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence!'

  9. #204
    On the Road
    Join Date
    May 2011
    Posts
    20

    Sensitivity

    The room was full of pregnant women with their partners. The class was in full swing.

    The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe and was telling the men how to give the necessary assurance to their partners at this stage of the pregnancy.

    She said "Ladies, remember that exercise is good for you. Walking is especially beneficial. It strengthens the pelvic muscles and will make delivery that much easier." Just take several stops and stay on a soft surface like grass or a path.

    She looked at the men in the room, "and Gentlemen, remember -- You're in this together --

    It wouldn't hurt you to go walking with her.

    The room suddenly got very quiet as the men absorbed this information.

    Then a man at the back of the room slowly raised his hand.

    "Yes, answered the Instructor.

    "I was just wondering if it would be all right if she carries a golf bag while we walk??

    ---- This kind of sensitivity just can't be taught..

  10. #205
    Registered User WalterK75's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    Location
    Mississauga, Ontario
    Posts
    550
    A visiting minister during the offertory prayer:

    'Dear Lord,' he began with arms extended and a rapturous look on his upturned face,
    'without You we are but dust...'

    He would have continued, but at that moment one very obedient little girl (who was
    listening carefully for a change!) leaned over to her mother and asked quite audibly
    in her shrill little girl voice, 'Mommy, what is butt dust?'

    Church was pretty much over at that point...
    Walter

    G. K. Chesterton wrote - "The traveller sees what he sees, the tourist sees what he came to see."

  11. #206
    look out!!! Visian's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2003
    Location
    ATL/WNC
    Posts
    8,511
    Quote Originally Posted by walterK75 View Post
    Mommy, what is butt dust?'

  12. #207
    Seeking Mental Floss
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Location
    San Antonio, Tx
    Posts
    2,997
    Focus, Grasshopper. Focus!

  13. #208
    You stupid, fix it! r11rs94's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Location
    Tiverton, RI
    Posts
    5,149
    .
    Attached Images Attached Images
    The thing about traveling is, you never want it to end and you can't wait to get home.
    I answer to Roy, Chief, or Sarg.
    04 R-1150-RT current bike. 94 R-1100-RS74,383, Sold, 78 R-80/7, K.I.A by a D.U.I
    www.OceanStateBMWriders.com

  14. #209
    OldBMWMaster JDOCKERY132445's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2010
    Location
    Pleasure Island. NC
    Posts
    940

    Tea party for Dad

    A toddler was giving her daddy a tea party. She brought him a little cup of "tea" which was just water, of course. After several cups of tea her Mom came home. Dad made her Mom wait in the living room to watch his little Princess bring him a cup of tea, because it was, "Just the cutest thing!" Mom waited, and sure enough, here she come down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy. She watches him drink it up and then says, "You know the only place she can reach water is the toilet...
    Jerry Dockery
    309 N. 3rd. Ave.
    Kure Beach, NC 28449
    1996 R1100RT main bike & 1985 K100RS...too fast to believe.

  15. #210
    Grammarian no, Rider yes ISAMEMON's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Location
    Kings Valley Oregon
    Posts
    1,718
    Quote Originally Posted by r11rs94 View Post
    .


    so how did you get into my life........thats my thoughts a lot of the times.........this week is ...............is that carb running right

    ...............................................

    ok something is wrong, it was supposed to "quote" the chick on the couch and the guy looking into space and the whole shabang

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •