Navy Master Chiefs Are Honorable
One day, while a Navy Master Chief was cutting a branch of a tree above a river, his axe fell into the river. When he cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, ÔÇ£Why are you crying?ÔÇØ The Master Chief replied that his axe had fallen into the water, and he needed the axe to make his living. The Lord went down into the water and reappeared with a golden axe. ÔÇ£Is this your axe?ÔÇØ the Lord asked. The Master Chief replied, ÔÇ£No.ÔÇØ
The Lord again went down and came up with a silver axe. ÔÇ£Is this your axe?ÔÇØ the lord asked. Again the Master Chief replied, ÔÇ£No.ÔÇØ The Lord went down again and came up with an iron axe. ÔÇ£Is this your axe?ÔÇØ the Lord asked. The Master Chief replied, ÔÇ£Yes.ÔÇØ
The Lord was pleased with the Master ChiefÔÇÖs honesty and gave him all three axes to keep, and the Master Chief went back to the ship happy.
Sometime later the Master Chief was walking with his wife along the riverbank, and his wife fell into the river. When he cried out, the Lord again appeared and asked him, ÔÇ£Why are you crying?ÔÇØ ÔÇ£Oh Lord, my wife has fallen into the water!ÔÇØ The Lord went down into the water and came up with Angelina Jolie. ÔÇ£Is this your wife?ÔÇØ the Lord asked. ÔÇ£Yes,ÔÇØ cried the Master Chief.
The Lord was furious. ÔÇ£You lied! That is an untruth!ÔÇØ The Master Chief replied, ÔÇ£Oh, forgive me, my Lord. It is a misunderstanding. You see, if I had said ÔÇÿnoÔÇÖ to Angelina Jolie, you would have come up with Cameron Diaz. Then if I said ÔÇÿnoÔÇÖ to her, you would have come up with my wife. Had I then said ÔÇÿyesÔÇÖ you would have given me all three. Lord, I am poor old seagoing Master Chief, and am not able to take care of all three wives in a way that they should be, so thatÔÇÖs why I said yes to Angelina Jolie.ÔÇØ
The moral of this story is: Whenever a Navy Master Chief lies, it is for a good and honorable reason, and for the benefit of others. ThatÔÇÖs my story, and IÔÇÖm sticking to it.
Some little known American military history
The U.S.S. Constitution (Old Ironsides) as a combat vessel carried 48,600 gallons of fresh water for her crew of 475 officers and men. This was sufficient to last six months of sustained operations at sea. She carried no evaporators (fresh water distillers).
However, let it be noted that, according to her log, "On July 27, 1798, the U.S.S. Constitution sailed from Boston with a full complement of 475 officers and men, 48,600 gallons of fresh water, 7,400 cannon shot, 11,600 pounds of black powder and 79,400 gallons of rum." Her mission: "To destroy and harass English shipping."
Making Jamaica on 6 October, she took on 826 pounds of flour and 68,300 gallons of rum.
Then she headed for the Azores, arriving there 12 November. She provisioned with 550 pounds of beef and 64,300 gallons of Portuguese wine.
On 18 November, she set sail for England. In the ensuing days she defeated five British men-of-war and captured and scuttled 12 English merchantmen, salvaging only the rum aboard each.
By 26 January, her powder and shot were exhausted. Nevertheless, although unarmed, she made a night raid up the Firth of Clyde in Scotland. Her landing party captured a whisky distillery and transferred 40,000 gallons of single malt Scotch aboard by dawn. Then she headed home.
The U.S.S. Constitution arrived in Boston on 20 February 1799, with no
cannon shot, no food, no powder, no rum, no wine, no whisky and 38,600 gallons of stagnant water.
Love Is Blind For A Golfer
Ed and Linda met while on a singles cruise and Ed fell head over heels for her.
When they discovered they lived in the same city only a few miles apart Ed was ecstatic.
He immediately started asking her out when they got home.
Within a couple of weeks, Ed had taken Linda to dance clubs, restaurants, concerts, movies, and museums.
Ed became convinced that Linda was indeed his soul mate and true love.
Every date seemed better than the last.
On the one-month anniversary of their first dinner on the cruise ship, Ed took Linda to a fine restaurant.
While having cocktails and waiting for their salad, Ed said, "I guess you can tell I'm very much in love with you.
I'd like a little serious talk before our relationship continues to the next stage.
So, before I get a box out of my jacket and ask you a life changing question, it's only fair to warn you, I'm a total golf nut.
I play golf, I read about golf, I watch golf on TV.
In short, I eat, sleep, and breathe golf.
If that's going to be a problem for us, you'd better say so now!"
Linda took a deep breath and responded, "Ed, that certainly won't be a problem.
I love you as you are and I love golf too; but, since we're being totally honest with each other, you need to know that for the last five years I've been a hooker."
Ed said, "I bet it's because you're not keeping your wrists straight when you hit the ball.":banghead