funny motorcycle jokes

[F800ST]

I was just wondering if anyone had any FUNNY motorcycle jokes or BMW jokes.

I am a new BMW F800 ST rider and was just looking for some humor.


For example, I was taking acoustic guitar lessons a short while back and someone asked me if I knew what God's favourite chord was ?

I said no and he repiled " Gsus "


ps to quote reader's digest " Laughter is good medicine "


Newmarket , Ontario

[BeemoKat]

OK, here's two, though I don't think either is all that funny:

Q: What's the cheapest thing on a BMW Motorcycle?
A: The rider

Q: What's the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?
A: The position of the dirtbag

I've already used up my best PG material in a thread labeled "Campfire Jokes" back in June, the rest of my repertoire will get me banned from here.

[F800ST]

They were both pretty good.

Too bad we have to keep it civil.

I don't have any but I will keep searching and get back to you when I hear some good ones.

[BeemoKat]

They were both pretty good.

Too bad we have to keep it civil.

I don't have any but I will keep searching and get back to you when I hear some good ones.

Civility is so overrated.

[SheRidesABeemer]

Two guys were roaring down the road on a motorcycle when the driver slowed up and pulled over. His leather jacket had a broken zipper, and he told his friend, "I can't drive anymore with the air hitting me in the chest like that." "Just put the jacket on backwards." His friend advised. They continued down the road but around the next bend, they lost control and wiped out. A nearby farmer came upon the accident and ran to call the police. They asked him, "Are they showing any signs of life?" "Well," the farmer explained, "the driver was until I turned his head around the right way!"

[Newstar]

[QUOTE=BeemoKat;231014]
Q: What's the cheapest thing on a BMW Motorcycle?
A: The rider

[QUOTE]

:laugh :laugh :laugh I know some of them!!!

[Bokrijder]

[QUOTE=BeemoKat;231014]
Q: What's the cheapest thing on a BMW Motorcycle?
A: The rider

[QUOTE]

:laugh :laugh :laugh I know some of them!!!



Considering the cost of BMW parts, this joke does not reflect poorly on the rider.


Motard

[Bigrider]

Q: What's the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?
A: The position of the dirtbag



Hey, careful. I resemble that remark.:p

Dave Hoover
San Antonio, TX

[The_Veg]

What's the most dangerous part on a motorcycle?

The nut that connects the seat to the handlebar.

[BeemoKat]

Hey, careful. I resemble that remark.:p

Dave Hoover
San Antonio, TX

Some friends and I were discussing the merits of various bikes and I came up with this:
A Harley-Davidson is an American cultural icon, everything else is just a motorcycle; a better motorcycle, but still just a motorcycle.

Disclaimer: Tongue firmly in cheek!

[twins4life]

How do you know when your Harley is out of oil? It quit leaking.

[osbornk]

How do you know when your Harley is out of oil? It quit leaking.

Harleys don't leak. The just do like all other dogs and mark their spot.

[RTs4me]

Q: How can you tell that a BMW rider and his passenger are having an affair? ;)

A: Their jackets don't match yet! :D

[MCMXCIVRS]

Goldwing (or HD ) owners are like magpies. When they see something shiny they pick it up and bolt it to their motorcycle. :)

[twins4life]

Goldwing (or HD ) owners are like magpies. When they see something shiny they pick it up and bolt it to their motorcycle. :)

Thats funny!

[cheesewhiz]

Goldwing (or HD ) owners are like magpies. When they see something shiny they pick it up and bolt it to their motorcycle. :)

Magpies ride motorcycles?

:p

[Motor31]

Yep and they are always trying to pick up chicks on the bike too........:nyah

[osbornk]

Raced a Harley today

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I raced a Harley today and after some really hard riding I managed to PASS the guy. I was riding on one of those really, really twisting sections of a canyon road with no straight sections to speak of and where most of the curves have warning signs that say "15 MPH".

I knew if I was going to pass one of those monsters with those big-cubic-inch motors, it would have to be a place like this where handling and rider skill are more important than horsepower alone.

I saw the guy up ahead as I exited one of the turns and knew I could catch him, but it wouldn't be easy. I concentrated on my braking and cornering. Three corners later, I was on his fender. Catching him was one thing; passing him would prove to be another.

Two corners later, I pulled up next to him as we sailed down the mountain. I think he was shocked to see me next to him, as I nearly got by him before he could recover. Next corner, same thing. I'd manage to pull up next to him as we started to enter the corners but when we came out he'd get on the throttle and outpower me. His horsepower was almost too much to overcome, but this only made me more determined than ever.

My only hope was to outbrake him. I held off squeezing the lever until the last instant. I kept my nerve while he lost his. In an instant I was by him. Corner after corner, I could hear the roar of his engine as he struggled to keep up.

Three more miles to go before the road straightens out and he would pass me for good.

But now I was in the lead and he would no longer hold me back. I stretched out my lead and by the time we reached the bottom of the canyon, he was more than a full corner behind. I could no longer see him in my rear-view mirror.

Once the road did straighten out, it seemed like it took miles before he passed me, but it was probably just a few hundred yards. I was no match for that kind of horsepower, but it was done. In the tightest section of road, where bravery and skill count for more than horsepower and deep pockets, I had passed him. though it was not easy, I had won the race to the bottom of the canyon and I had preserved the proud tradition of one of the best bits of britiron.

I will always remember that moment. I don't think I've ever pedalled so hard in my life. And some of the credit must go to Raleigh cycles, as well. They really make a great bicycle...
__________________

[Belquar]

Raced a Harley today

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I raced a Harley today and after some really hard riding I managed to PASS the guy. I was riding on one of those really, really twisting sections of a canyon road with no straight sections to speak of and where most of the curves have warning signs that say "15 MPH".

I knew if I was going to pass one of those monsters with those big-cubic-inch motors, it would have to be a place like this where handling and rider skill are more important than horsepower alone.

I saw the guy up ahead as I exited one of the turns and knew I could catch him, but it wouldn't be easy. I concentrated on my braking and cornering. Three corners later, I was on his fender. Catching him was one thing; passing him would prove to be another.

Two corners later, I pulled up next to him as we sailed down the mountain. I think he was shocked to see me next to him, as I nearly got by him before he could recover. Next corner, same thing. I'd manage to pull up next to him as we started to enter the corners but when we came out he'd get on the throttle and outpower me. His horsepower was almost too much to overcome, but this only made me more determined than ever.

My only hope was to outbrake him. I held off squeezing the lever until the last instant. I kept my nerve while he lost his. In an instant I was by him. Corner after corner, I could hear the roar of his engine as he struggled to keep up.

Three more miles to go before the road straightens out and he would pass me for good.

But now I was in the lead and he would no longer hold me back. I stretched out my lead and by the time we reached the bottom of the canyon, he was more than a full corner behind. I could no longer see him in my rear-view mirror.

Once the road did straighten out, it seemed like it took miles before he passed me, but it was probably just a few hundred yards. I was no match for that kind of horsepower, but it was done. In the tightest section of road, where bravery and skill count for more than horsepower and deep pockets, I had passed him. though it was not easy, I had won the race to the bottom of the canyon and I had preserved the proud tradition of one of the best bits of britiron.

I will always remember that moment. I don't think I've ever pedalled so hard in my life. And some of the credit must go to Raleigh cycles, as well. They really make a great bicycle...
__________________

Ya could have stolen it from here. (http://www.bmwmoa.org/forum/showthread.php?t=19791)

[Gil]

Q:I asked my Harley friend how exactly do "loud pipes save lives"
A:His answer was "I'm sorry, what did you say"?

[twins4life]

Raced a Harley today

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I raced a Harley today and after some really hard riding I managed to PASS the guy. I was riding on one of those really, really twisting sections of a canyon road with no straight sections to speak of and where most of the curves have warning signs that say "15 MPH".

I knew if I was going to pass one of those monsters with those big-cubic-inch motors, it would have to be a place like this where handling and rider skill are more important than horsepower alone.

I saw the guy up ahead as I exited one of the turns and knew I could catch him, but it wouldn't be easy. I concentrated on my braking and cornering. Three corners later, I was on his fender. Catching him was one thing; passing him would prove to be another.

Two corners later, I pulled up next to him as we sailed down the mountain. I think he was shocked to see me next to him, as I nearly got by him before he could recover. Next corner, same thing. I'd manage to pull up next to him as we started to enter the corners but when we came out he'd get on the throttle and outpower me. His horsepower was almost too much to overcome, but this only made me more determined than ever.

My only hope was to outbrake him. I held off squeezing the lever until the last instant. I kept my nerve while he lost his. In an instant I was by him. Corner after corner, I could hear the roar of his engine as he struggled to keep up.

Three more miles to go before the road straightens out and he would pass me for good.

But now I was in the lead and he would no longer hold me back. I stretched out my lead and by the time we reached the bottom of the canyon, he was more than a full corner behind. I could no longer see him in my rear-view mirror.

Once the road did straighten out, it seemed like it took miles before he passed me, but it was probably just a few hundred yards. I was no match for that kind of horsepower, but it was done. In the tightest section of road, where bravery and skill count for more than horsepower and deep pockets, I had passed him. though it was not easy, I had won the race to the bottom of the canyon and I had preserved the proud tradition of one of the best bits of britiron.

I will always remember that moment. I don't think I've ever pedalled so hard in my life. And some of the credit must go to Raleigh cycles, as well. They really make a great bicycle...
__________________


GREAT!!!:clap

[antaeas]

How many BMW riders does it take to screw in an oil filter?

- Two: one laying on the ground, preferably at a campsite; one taking photos to post.

How many H-D riders?

- Two: one to ask, "What's an oil filter?" and one to ask, "What, and get my new chaps dirty?"

How many Wingnuts?

- Two: one to remove the chrome-plated and illuminated cover on the oil filter, one to switch on the auto-replacement feature.

How many trike riders?

- Two: one to remove the filter while standing in a Jiffy Lube pit, one to hold up the front wheel.

How many racers?

- Four: a pit crew

How many squids?

- None: their bikes are crashed or repossessed before the filters need changing.

[rgvilla]

EXCELLENT, Esp the squid joke

How many BMW riders does it take to screw in an oil filter?

- Two: one lying on the ground, preferably at a campsite; one taking photos to post.

How many H-D riders?

Two: one to ask, "What's an oil filter?" and one to ask, "What, and get my new chaps dirty?"

How many Wingnuts?

- Two: one to remove the chrome-plated and illuminated cover on the oil filter, one to switch on the auto-replacement feature.

How many trike riders?

- Two: one to remove the filter while standing in a Jiffy Lube pit, one to hold up the front wheel.

How many racers?

- Four: a pit crew

How many squids?

- None: their bikes are crashed or repossessed before the filter needs changing.

[Overkill]

Harley Definition:

The most efficient way to convert gasoline into noise without the annoying side effect of horsepower.

[BeemoKat]

Total of 15 jokes here, and 3 remarks, 5 of the jokes are Harley bashers and all 3 remarks as well. I'm making no judgments here, I'm one of the guilty parties with 1 harley bashing joke and 1 remark.
This is just sad, we really need some new material!

[Belquar]

Total of 15 jokes here, and 3 remarks, 5 of the jokes are Harley bashers and all 3 remarks as well. I'm making no judgments here, I'm one of the guilty parties with 1 harley bashing joke and 1 remark.
This is just sad, we really need some new material!

3 of them are BMW jokes. :deal

[BeemoKat]

3 of them are BMW jokes. :deal

I'll take 'em, heck, one was from me anyway, any are better than none...etc.

What does BMW stand for?
Bring Money With you,
or
Bring Meine Wallet,
or
Bitch Moan Whine,
or
Bite My W... (pushing the envelope here, please don't ban me).
Now there's 4, I'm sure we can come up with more.

[rayadams]

what does BSA stand for?

British Scrap Aluminum

Bas'terd Stalled Again

Bloody Stinking Amal

[Holly]

OK, now that BSA has entered the mix:

Why do the British drink warm beer?

Because Lucas makes their refrigerators.

[BeemoKat]

What are the 3 positions of a British headlight toggle switch?
Off, Dim, and Flicker.

[Bigrider]

While this is not specifically a motorcycle joke it is concerned with traffic and you might appreciate... also it's in German so stand by for translation. Hope it doesn't offend

-Was ist der untershied zwischen einer auto schlange und einer echten Schlange?

What is the difference between an auto snake (traffic jam) and a real snake?

-Bei der auto schlange ist das Arschloch immer vorne.
With an auto snake, the A**h*** is always in front.

How True! Tschuss

Dave H
San Antonio, TX

[cobermark1]

This is a little off topic too......

What is the difference between a porcupine and a bmw?

on a porcupine the prick is on the outside
and a bmw has the prick on the inside

A joke my boss told me.

[BMMember]

http://mystanding.blogspot.com/2007/05/car-stopping-distance-surprised-entire.html :clap

[The_Veg]

http://w6rec.com/duane/bmw/bmwwords.htm

[RapidRobert]

A Harley rider and a BMW rider were both using the men's restroom following a charity ride.

When they finished, the BMW rider started out the door without washing his hands. The Harley rider made his way to the sink, and sniffed out loud, "That's the difference between BMW and Harley riders, at least we wash our hands ..."

The BMW rider stopped at the door, turned, and replied, "No, the difference is that BMW riders don't piss on their hands."

[Belquar]

A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow. The horse fall's into a mud hole and is sinking. He calls to the chicken to go and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety.

The chicken runs to the farm but the farmer can't be found. So he drives the farmer's BMW back to the mud hole and ties some rope around the bumper.

He then throws the other end of the rope to his friend, the horse, and drives the car forward saving him from sinking!

A few days later, the chicken and horse were playing in the meadow again and the chicken fell into the mud hole. The chicken yelled to the horse to go and get some help from the farmer.

The horse said, "I think I can stand over the hole!" So he stretched over the width of the hole and said, "Grab for my 'thingy' and pull yourself up." And the chicken did and pulled himself to safety.

The moral of the story:

If you're hung like a horse, you don't need a BMW to pick up chicks.

[The_Veg]

I know a different version of that one, but with the familiar lion and mouse and an elephant and a Corvette. Same idea though.

[535is]

Not exactly a joke; just observations on casual rider types commonly found in Wisconsin:

Gold Wingers ride 55 miles and stop at every Dairy Queen. :D

Harley riders go the same distance but stop at every bar. :buds

BMW riders go to Montreal for lunch ... :huh

[EXR911]

A great many makes of motorcycle used simple 3 letter names, usually the abbreviated company or maker name. Sometimes different names or slogans - not alway complimentary were made out of these.

Some examples:

AJS - All Junk and Scrap
BSA - Bl---y Sore Ass
DOT - Devoid of Trouble?
DMW - Does Much Wobbling
NSU - No Sensible Use

And while Break my Wallet is a frequent version of BMW, I understand in some circles it is considered to stand for:

Bike Made Weird

PT9766

[hlothery]

This is a little off topic too......

What is the difference between a porcupine and a bmw?

on a porcupine the prick is on the outside
and a bmw has the prick on the inside

A joke my boss told me.

I'm glad you didn't say Porsche........I hate that Porsche joke!:D

[The_Veg]

I usually tell it about Mercedes, and with a slightly-subtler punchline.

[r11rs94]

:ha