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hondarider
01-27-2007, 05:02 PM
That thread reminded me of a particularly painful story from my past...it's a two-parter though...if I just tell you how it ends, you won't be able to empathize with star character (me) properly...LOL. So here I go...

OK...here's the first portion of my snowmobile story...it was 1994 and I bought a shiny new 1995 Ski Doo Formula 500 liquid...decent sled...went pretty well...a definite upgrade from my Arctic Cat El Tigre air cooled...so I was single at the time and we rode alot that winter...we rode out of my uncle’s house which is directly adjacent to Balance Rock and PSF...right on the edge of an expansive trail system leading clear to Canada...we rode morning, noon, and night...if it snowed, we all bagged work and rode like crazy...so one night in January, less than a month from the purchase of my new sled, we got like 14" of snow and we rode ‘til the weee hours of the morning...rode back to my uncles house and crashed for the night...got up at 6:00AM with the intent of busting first trails up Greylock (a local mountain)...now Greylock has a road that goes all the way to the summit and at 3500 feet, it gets substantially more snow than the surrounding area...the road is closed to cars in the winter and is perfect for sleds...it's probably about 20-30 feet wide with dense forest on either side of the road...some mean looking cement pillars to keep cars from plummeting off the cliffs are also along the roads...
So we make our way up to the base lodge and we're happy to see that we're the first people on the trails that morning...so we head up the mountain...the wind had drifted the snow so that there was a ridge running along the center of the road and the snow banked off sharply to either side...it was loose powder and probably 3 feet deep at the center of the road...you had to ride fast with your weight back in order to stay on top of the powder...if you let of the throttle, the nose would dive and snow would come right over the windshield into your face....you had to straddle the peak of the drift because it was so steeply banked on either side that you could hardly stay on the road otherwise...
So I'm leading, as is so often the case, and I'm having a great time...I'm straddling the center of the drift and running up the road at full throttle...now this is only a 500 and the snow is deep and loose so I'm guessing 50mph was about as fast as I could have been going....there's a long straightaway as you're coming up from Lanesboro and I was cranking along...at some point, I started slipping to the right side of the peak and the sled was drifting off to the right...I stood up and leaned way to the left in an attempt to regain the center of the road...but the bank was too steep and I kept slipping to the right...so, in a moment of panic, I let off the throttle for like a second...the nose dipped...snow came over the windshield...and everything turned white...I could feel the sled slip hard further to the right so I hammered on the throttle and leaned way to the left in my blindness....I was back to the sitting position after the face full of snow and I was leaning as far as I could off the left side of the sled...my right foot was in the foot well and my right knee was sticking way out the right side...I got the skis back on top of the snow and cleared my vision just in time to see that I was all the way to the right side of the road and about to have a full throttle impact with a white birch tree...I steered as hard as I could to the left and my right ski tip just passed to the left of center on the tree...then black....
When I finally came to a stop...there was no sled...no road...no mountains...no noise...just a bright white light…I thought that I must assuredly be dead. But as it turns out, I just happened to come to rest lying face down in bright white snow. Searing pain shot through my body and my leg felt wet and warm...I laid there for a very long time...and my buddies, fearing the worse, were afraid to disturb the body…they just stood around watching...When I finally rolled over onto my back to take a look around...mostly ‘cuz I was curious about where my sled had gone and a little scared that I might get run over soon...I saw that I had narrowly missed hitting an 18" tree dead on…I had hit it nonetheless...the right ski, the hood, the belly pan, the right DSA arm, right foot well, as well as my right knee had impacted the tree at what I can only surmise was 40+ mph...my body and the subsequent rolls had taken care of the windshield, handlebars, seat, head light, bumper, etc...My 1 month old sled was in tatters and my knee was much worse...we sat there for a while…stunned...and then the laughter started..."holy sh*t"..."that was cool!"..."I thought you were dead for sure" and my personal favorite "It's OK if you cry...I won't tell anyone...maybe"
So that's part 1 of the story...sled smashed into little bits and my right knee buggered up pretty well. After towing the carcass of the sled and myself off the trails and back to a place where we could get a truck into, I spent the rest of January, February, and March with a little orthoscopic surgery action and a lot of physical therapy...crutches...no work...lots of pain meds...blah, blah, blah…good times

SHawn_P
01-27-2007, 07:21 PM
...another classic from HondaRider.... Is it wrong to laugh? I hope not - I can't help myself... Glad you survived....

My favorite lines "..and my buddies, fearing the worse, were afraid to disturb the body…they just stood around watching..." and "...and then the laughter started..."

You should compile these into a book - I'ld be in for a copy...

hondarider
01-27-2007, 10:48 PM
OK...so part 2 of the story is where you'll finally make the connection to the "Finish this sentence" thread. Here goes...

At the conclusion of our last chapter, my new sled was destroyed and my right knee was in a similar condition...I spent most of January, February, and March out of work and in doctor's offices...had a little surgery...they removed a few chunks of stuff...and I went to a lot of physical therapy. I was most traumatized about the sled though...it was virtually totaled...so, since I had some time on my hands, I decided to rebuild it...”We have the technology…we can rebuild it” (who remembers the Six Million Dollar Man? I had the lunch box. LOL) Anyhow, new hood, bellypan, bumper, header pipe, all the frame work behind the bumper, right DSA arm, windshield, handlebars, etc...I was spending as much on parts as I had on the sled, but I had nothing but time and I like to spin wrenches more than I like to watch TV anyways...Since I was blowing so much money in the parts department anyways, I decided to do some upgrades as well by buying parts from higher end sleds that shared a chassis platform with mine and would bolt right on...I upgraded to plastic skis, molded windshield, and all new gear box internals to add REVERSE...the sled originally didn't come with reverse and I had already spent way too much time picking up the tail end of the sled and carrying it everytime I wanted to turn it around...I was really excited about the REVERSE upgrade most of all.
So...by the end of March the sled was back together and looking better than new...and it was functionally better than new due to the slick plastic skis, aerodynamic windshield, and reverse gearbox...it was a thing of mechanical beauty. I was off of crutches by this point and getting around with my 6 Million Dollar Man bionic knee brace. (Another Steve Austin reference? That won’t be the last 70s tv hero reference. LOL) At the time, I was a member of the Berkshire Sno-Seekers and there was going to be a big end-of-season last hoorah kind of ride going on at Mt. Greylock...all my friends were going to be there and I intended to make my triumphant return to the scene of the crime.
So it was a sunny Sunday morning when my cousin and I pulled into the parking lot at the Lanesboro lodge of Greylock Reservation...the sun was shining, as is so often the case when disaster comes to grace me with a visit…it was in the 40s, and the parking lot was FILLED with sleds, trucks, and trailers...there must have been 100 people in attendance...everyone looking to score that one great last ride before Spring kicked into high gear and ended the season. We found a spot to park and proceeded to gear up. As you might guess, I took a bit of ribbing from the peanut gallery about what I was going to hit next and where had I been for the better part of 3 months...a few people came over to check out my sled and marvel at the fact that it was in one piece and pristine once again...much sh*t talk ensued.
As previously mentioned, it was a warm and sunny day...the parking lot was completely devoid of snow...carbide skags grinding across the black top as riders made their way to the snow at the edge of the lot...I geared up with my big ol knee brace under my riding gear and hobbled back to unload the trailer...flipped up the deck and the sleds skittered backward into the driveway...pumped the primer a couple times and the sled started on the first pull...very nice...I let it idle there for a few minutes while enjoying the cat calls from all of my loyal admirers and breathing in the sweet smell of 2-stroke exhaust.

“They’ll all be eating their words 5 minutes from now when I’m tearing up the mountain”

Here's where things get exciting...amidst the laughter and jeering, I climb onto the sled...I'm standing ‘cuz my knee brace doesn't really allow for a lot of flexing and sitting isn't comfortable...I usually stand when I ride anyways…that way I can use a little Body English to compensate for anything that comes my way...
Now there’s about 50 yards of black top between me and the trail and my sled is pointing in the wrong direction...I could just do a three point turn and cruise over to the trails...no drama, no effort, no skill...but I've been taking verbal abuse from no less than 20 people for the past 15 minutes, I’m a complete narcissus, and I'm ready to show off a bit...

I distinctly remember thinking…

"Wait until they get a load of me."

Now most of you are my age or older...so you no doubt remember the Rockford Files with James Garner...ol’ Jimmy was the man…and he was pimpin’ a bad-a$$ gold 1975 Firebird. In the opening credits of the show, there was a clip of him screaming along in reverse, cranking a sliding 180, and then smoking the tires as he peeled off into the sunset...

I had reverse...

I'm cool like James Garner...

I had an audience...

However…

I had no idea that my sled could and would go exactly as fast in reverse as it did in forward...

My plan was glorious in its simplicity and design. I would take off in reverse, build up speed to optimum velocity, crank the bars to one side, squeeze the brake, slide a 180 while simultaneously slamming the gearbox into forward, wheelie across the rest of the driveway, and impress the hell out of the gathered mass of naysayers. I would be famous.

In my head, James Dean had only dreamt of being as cool as me. I was cool on a scale mere mortals rarely attain. I was Steve McQueen.:brow

But here's how it actually went down...

I was standing...(good so far)

I put it into reverse...(right on track)

I gave it the gas...(this is too easy)

It accelerated HARD...(uh-oh)

My body shifted forward in reaction to the sudden acceleration...(I hadn’t considered that possibility)

My right thigh pushed the thumb throttle right to the bar...(Houston…we have a problem)

The engine screamed...(That sounds kinda cool)

The track spun…(LOOK AT ME! I’m burning rubber!)

And then it hooked up...(OHHHHH NOOOO!)

In the blink of an eye, I was rocketing backwards across warm, dry, tarmac. (I bet I look cool!)

At this point, I was traveling far faster than I had considered possible...but I was committed to the plan...there was no turning back now…it was just going to be more epic than I had originally intended...I’ll be soooo famous. (If I live)

Did I mention that my helmet was sitting on the tailgate of the truck at this point?

Hell bent on fame and the admiration of all who beheld me...I stuck with the plan...and at full throttle in reverse...on dry black top...standing up…I cranked the bars to one side and prepared myself for greatness...it was slow motion from there on out...

The skis didn't grab initially...so I leaned hard to one side to push the carbides into the blacktop...the front end started to come around...FAST

...and then...at 90 degrees…completely perpendicular to my direction of travel…

The edge of the track caught traction and stopped instantly.

And then the earth actually flipped on its axis...oh wait...no...that’s not possible

That was me and my freshly restored snowmobile…inverted

I was thrown hard to the pavement and the sled continued on its own…a textbook example of inertia that would have made Sir Isaac Newton SO proud.

In the most epic of fashion, it barrel rolled...over and over across the parking lot...like one of those wrecks you see on those cable video shows. Shattered plastic bits flying into the stratosphere on each subsequent roll...until finally it came to rest...upside down...resting on the hood…shiny new plastic skis pointed towards the heavens.

I had, of course, banged my noggin hard on the tarmac and my knee was beat down...again...I lay there on the pavement in disbelief…there wasn't a sound...just silence.

As I got to my feet, there were many a dumbfounded expression of disbelief in the crowd...the silence was deafening…but there was something coming…like a tsunami traveling at 300 mph…I cringed because I sensed its approach…

And then they roared...those heartless monsters! Like a pack of wild hyenas in a frenzy over a fresh zebra carcass…how I hate them all. LOL

People were falling on the ground laughing so hard...my cousins were just shaking their heads in disgust. I stumbled over to the machine and attempted to roll it over...no luck...too heavy…and I was broken myself…so a few others, those not completely paralyzed with laughter, came to assist...we flipped it over to find the bars mangled, the seat torn, the belly pan melting, and the hood completely demolished…the spark plugs actually broke off completely so there was no chance of restarting it and retaining even a shred of dignity…we ended up having to carry the sled back to the trailer...it was done...I was done…

I took more abuse that day than I ever imagined possible...I made a victory lap/limp around the parking lot and took a few bows…signed a few autographs…a publicity photo here and there…

I was famous…(I knew I would be)

Years later, I would run into people in stores or on the street who'd say "remember that day at Greylock...what the f*%k were you thinking?"

I was going for fame and fortune...what I got was infamy and doctor's bills...

But I learned a valuable lesson...


When the bravado is raging and you feel the urge to show off for a crowd…when nothing short of heroic stupidity will fill the bill…when everyone is counting on you to impress and entertain…




...make sure there's a camera rolling and you have your insurance card with you:thumb

kreinke
01-28-2007, 08:02 AM
From one avid smowmobiler to another I feel for ya man.

My snowmobile stupidity/bravado episode occurred about 3 years ago.

I don't know what your winter culture is like over in the Berkshires but our snow culture in Wisconsin seems to center around going from tavern-to-tavern.

I, however, am in it only for the speed. I don't do poker runs and, more importantly, don't ride at night when all the idiots are out.

I was riding on an unfamiliar trail between Arkdale, and Rome, Wisconsin that was on a high-tension power line ROW. Smooth trail and somewhat undulating terrain were the order of the day.

IOW sled heaven right?

I was enjoying that weightless Isle-of-Man style jump that the Formula was doing on every little rise and It seemed like my "air time" was getting a little longer and I was getting a little braver with each jump.

Along came a fairly steep rise so I thought "here's my audition for Sno-Cross" I gunned the 470 Rotax and she skampered up the hill effortlessly.
Either there wasn't a "STEEP HILL" sign or I was going so fast I didn't see it.

Whatever the case at the precise point where I should have been enjoying the weightlessness I also came to the realization that on the other side of the rise I just crested there was an even steeper andlonger downhill into a ravine.

I think I was airborne drifting down for more than 50 feet (not unlike a ski jumper)

I landed so hard I nearly bit my tongue off. My mouth was bleeding like I had just gotten punched by Tyson.

My buddy who was behind me would later say "Man that was awesome! You're fuggin' crazy!" right until I took my helmet off and he saw my turtleneck and balaclave soaked with blood.

Belquar
01-28-2007, 11:02 AM
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA


Hondarider you tell a great story. Thanks for the laugh. You do a great job of painting the picture with words. Too friggin Funny.

Glad you have survived your misfortunes to tell the story.

Your a riot.

wezul
01-28-2007, 11:39 AM
Ross would be great to have around the campfire . . . . wait, this is the campfire! :doh

Another escapade brilliantly illustrated, thanks man!

Peace.

Wez

hondarider
01-28-2007, 12:28 PM
I want to be Peter Egan when I grow up.



...if I live that long:doh

flash412
01-28-2007, 12:28 PM
Hondarider, you have a great story and you tell it SO well. THANK YOU! I was laughing so hard that tears came to my eyes and I couldn't breathe.

My two favorite lines, which I hope to remember and use myself should the opportunity arise someday, are:
"It's OK if you cry...I won't tell anyone...maybe"
and
"I was going for fame and fortune...what I got was infamy and doctor's bills..."

naddy100
01-28-2007, 01:15 PM
I also like

I distinctly remember thinking…

"Wait until they get a load of me."

Noel

wezul
01-28-2007, 03:51 PM
...if I live that long:doh

Indeed, well perhaps with age comes wisdom . . . . and prudence . . . . maybe not! :lol

Braddog
01-28-2007, 03:53 PM
An attempted Rockford turn on a snowmobile...Bravo! :clap

Sorry it didn't work out for you, but those are great stories. I did laugh out loud at Part II.

Keep up the great posts!:thumb

hondarider
01-28-2007, 04:30 PM
Indeed, well perhaps with age comes wisdom . . . . and prudence . . . . maybe not! :lol

I'd like to tell you that I've grown wiser through the pains of experience...but...if you line up half a dozen spectators...I've got a reputation to maintain...stupidity will ensue...

Besides, if I stop now...what will I write about in my autobiography 30 years from now?:D

RedBeemer
01-28-2007, 06:12 PM
And you did this sober?:laugh:laugh :laugh :laugh :laugh :laugh

Great story, great writing (again) keep it up. The writing that is:D

hondarider
01-28-2007, 06:58 PM
Believe it or not...all of my acts of heroic stupidity are alcohol-free...I'm not THAT dumb :laugh

kreinke
01-29-2007, 01:06 AM
Hondarider

I took the liberty of printing you story off for the luchtable at work. I had two grown men in tears.

BTW...what...or who is your avatar? Is that Max Headroom?

It couldn't have been as embarrasing as what happened to this guy. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7wwesYWsa88)

wezul
01-29-2007, 01:12 AM
that . . . is dr. strangelove!

http://imdb.com/title/tt0057012/

Turgidson:

Strangelove. What kind of a name is that? That ain't no kraut name, is it, Stainsy?

Stains:

He changed it when he became a citizen. It used to be Merkwurkdigliebe.

Turgidson:

Hmm. A kraut, by any other name, huh, Stainsy?

;)

kreinke
01-29-2007, 02:40 AM
Oh yeah. Shudda recognized.

hondarider
01-29-2007, 04:37 AM
Considering my current occupation, it seemed appropriate...and the image of Slim Pickens riding the bomb rodeo style was too big for an avatar. LOL